Beyond the Northern Point

Solo

Yo yo

Where I go

Nobody will know

Spring Thing

I was sitting on a cliff at the Northern Point
Strumming my uke instead of smoking a joint
When I was asked by a dark and handsome dude
If I knew the tabs to the Beatles' Hey Jude

Normally I would shy away
But it's kinda lonely being a stray
So I let my guard down just for today
Even if he might later betray

I did not regret my decision to socialize
He liked me even without my disguise

We laughed and played by the fireside
We talked until the embers died
I found it hard to leave his side
I could not lie to him if I tried

How do I tell him I am damaged goods?
I belong to the Club of Stolen Childhoods
I could pretend that was never a part of me
Just rewrite my entire life herstory

I tried to keep it light to get my worries out of the way

"Let's climb tomorrow, I'll be your belay"
"I bought a slightly used grigri on eBay the other day"
I nervously started playing my ukulele

Then I shook my head and opened my eyes
Only then did I finally realize
This social interaction was not a real thing
But I still wonder what happened to my G string

House of Choss

Me and my good friend Ross

We decided to hike a mountain instead of practice lacrosse

Many a creek you must cross

At some point you wish you were an albatross

Suddenly, my eyes lost their gloss

Should we go straight or go across?

I don't know. You be the boss

I wasn't feeling well due to mineral loss

Later on, doubled over, my cookies I would toss

I guess it didn't matter that I forgot to floss

We trekked this long way to pull on wet, green moss

Maybe I would feel better if I had some applesauce

The Dark Side

What is it like to be a bat?
Curiosity drives this Stray Cat
So we headed east on China Hat
Looking for a cave with no doormat

To get my 10-20, you need a GPS
The precise coordinates, I will not confess
Go past the sign that is a mess
Wander 'til you find a cairn, more or less

I don't recommend caving as one
Don't want to do what's been done
Don't want to copy the climber Ralston
He had to cut through his own tendon

Not sure about this spelunking
Felt like I was going through some kind of punking
I did not like the idea of flunking
So I imagined myself like a donut dunking

I probably shouldn't which is why I did
Go down the tunnel without a lid

The darkness was so bright it was blinding
My nose and ears were more receptive, I was finding

Without a lamp on your head
You would soon be full of dread

You would not get very far
Without a bat's sonar

It looked like this cave was used as a bar
It was cold and I wanted in the warm car

A lot of garbage underground
Plastic bottles abound
A used condom was found
By the cigarette butt on the ground

Did you know bats hibernate?
Just the ones that don't migrate
If you disturb their bed
They might wake up dead

We didn't find any bats in the shape of balls
But now I know about dusty, dirty, and cramped cave walls

Don't want to be in a cave when nature calls
Nothing down here resembles bathroom stalls

I am still flabbergasted by all the litter
What about the little critter?

Was it a bat that was drinking the PBR
Where you cannot see a single star?

Thanks SB

Guardian Angels

The following tale is slightly dramatic
I removed the material that is too graphic
After going through something so traumatic
I strongly discourage texting in traffic

I embarked on a journey up to this rim
I was determined to make it without losing a limb
If I keep Three Creek Lake on my right
I should definitely summit before the night

I needed to prove that I was not frail
I would do my level best not to fail

The first thing I did was drink my kombucha
That stuff gives me a buzz, I let out a "Booyah!"

After hiking for a few hours and thinking about sandy beaches
This song kept playing in my head, the one by Moldy Peaches

Snow banks appeared, covering the trail
The sun was going down, I would be traveling by Braille

The mosquitoes were suddenly everywhere
That big moving shadow looked like a bear
I did not think to bring spare underwear
I started to question my will to prepare

I stopped following the blue diamonds on the trees
Now I am praying on my knees

This reminds me of an episode of Little House on the Prairie
When Laura climbed a mountain to get away from Mary
She wanted to get to Heaven to see G-O-Dizzle
When she saw an angel, her mind started to fizzle

I decided to use a lifeline and phone a friend
He assured me I would be fine and this was not my end

I cannot lie
I started to cry

This was very egotistical and stupid of me
To trek this mountain on a solo journey

Just then a man and his dog appeared on my track
He thought he was following his own
To make a long story short, I followed him back
It was nice not to be alone

I was unnaturally chatty and jolly
I was saved by a man and his dog Molly
The man told me about the time when he got lost
It involved meeting hunters and biting frost

It didn't take long
Before I was singing this song,

"I wanted to avoid Cupid
By getting buff,
But if you are stupid,
You better be tough."

For Tom and Molly