House of Choss

Me and my good friend Ross

We decided to hike a mountain instead of practice lacrosse

Many a creek you must cross

At some point you wish you were an albatross

Suddenly, my eyes lost their gloss

Should we go straight or go across?

I don't know. You be the boss

I wasn't feeling well due to mineral loss

Later on, doubled over, my cookies I would toss

I guess it didn't matter that I forgot to floss

We trekked this long way to pull on wet, green moss

Maybe I would feel better if I had some applesauce

Guardian Angels

The following tale is slightly dramatic
I removed the material that is too graphic
After going through something so traumatic
I strongly discourage texting in traffic

I embarked on a journey up to this rim
I was determined to make it without losing a limb
If I keep Three Creek Lake on my right
I should definitely summit before the night

I needed to prove that I was not frail
I would do my level best not to fail

The first thing I did was drink my kombucha
That stuff gives me a buzz, I let out a "Booyah!"

After hiking for a few hours and thinking about sandy beaches
This song kept playing in my head, the one by Moldy Peaches

Snow banks appeared, covering the trail
The sun was going down, I would be traveling by Braille

The mosquitoes were suddenly everywhere
That big moving shadow looked like a bear
I did not think to bring spare underwear
I started to question my will to prepare

I stopped following the blue diamonds on the trees
Now I am praying on my knees

This reminds me of an episode of Little House on the Prairie
When Laura climbed a mountain to get away from Mary
She wanted to get to Heaven to see G-O-Dizzle
When she saw an angel, her mind started to fizzle

I decided to use a lifeline and phone a friend
He assured me I would be fine and this was not my end

I cannot lie
I started to cry

This was very egotistical and stupid of me
To trek this mountain on a solo journey

Just then a man and his dog appeared on my track
He thought he was following his own
To make a long story short, I followed him back
It was nice not to be alone

I was unnaturally chatty and jolly
I was saved by a man and his dog Molly
The man told me about the time when he got lost
It involved meeting hunters and biting frost

It didn't take long
Before I was singing this song,

"I wanted to avoid Cupid
By getting buff,
But if you are stupid,
You better be tough."

For Tom and Molly