A Visit from Chris

'Twas the day before Solstice
When all through the crag
Every creature was aroused
Even the one-eyed white stag

The route was all set
Bolt hangers flush, not one spinner
So excited were the locals
They couldn't eat dinner

Then in an instant
I heard a car engine
"He's here! He's here!"
I danced, scaring the pigeon

His eyes --- how they twinkled!
His dimples --- how merry
He offered me a Haagen Dazs
I said, "No, thanks. I don't eat dairy."

He spoke not a word
He went straight to his work
He seemed full of passion
Why do some think he's a jerk?

He didn't have any chalk
So typical of a pretty boy
"Here, try this.
I made it from soy."

With a nod and a smile
Up the wall he rose
He looked beautiful and silly
With chalk on his nose

Survivor

Bowling with my mind
It's somewhere in the gutter
No one left behind
Earth melting like warm butter

Surfing with my mind
Falling off the pace
Looking for my kind
No trace of the human race

Looked out from the highest point
The most beautiful sight I did see
Nobody to disappoint
Just me and a big palm tree

Mahalo

Thanks for the Meadow
Thanks for the Valley
Spirit always on the go
Escaped from the alley

Thanks for the Sports Exchange
Thanks for the Climber's Supply
They probably think I'm very strange
I am a dork and I won't lie

Thanks for the open sea
Thanks for the beach break
Surfing for myself and me
No one makes my heart ache

Creep

The man with the sunglasses
Was he looking at all the asses?
Peeping at me up and down
Boy, this made me really frown

"Where's your ride?
Do you have something to hide?"
Don't want to end up hog-tied
That's not how I died

Drifter

No permanent address
No rent to pay
Free from duress
But no place to stay

How did this start?
Where does it end?
Am I playing a part?
Right now I'm in Bend

Hope

I have always wanted to share a rope
But I don't want to feel like a dope
What if he tells me nope?
It's not like I'm asking him to elope
For now I remain silent and just hope . . .

Crossing Over

A brief candle;

both ends burning

An endless mile;

a bus wheel turning

A friend to share

the lonesome times

A handshake and a sip of wine

So say it loud and let it ring

We are all a part of everything

The future, present

and the past

Fly on proud bird

You're free at last.

---Charlie Daniels

Backwash

I am the Soul of a thousand deaths

With a thousand fears

But with a thousand ways to overcome them

Breakthrough Breed

The coolest cats on the planet come from hardy seed
They don't need a commercial to tell them what they need

They keep getting up after they fall on lead

They always choose the right passion to feed

We are frequently distracted as we toil and till

Like the one responsible for that oil spill

Quality and character cannot be reduced to a pill

Integrity and strength can be found in Lynn Hill

To others it is impossible, but it can be done

It's not always the most talented, but who has the most fun

If you are willing to spend 10,000 hours under the sun

You could make that breakthrough, you could be the One

Off-Width Crack

What would I do without my pack?
It is surgically attached to my back
Pouches and buckles it did not lack
I think I will name it Companion Jack

I always hike with Jack on my back
But as I leave stores I get some flack
It's not as if their computers I hack
Society sometimes won't cut you slack

To pay the bills I had to sell my rack
I lost what I had betting on the track
I was so distraught that I took some crack
That is how I ended up in the sack with Jack

"It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)"

Listening to the rapids while composing my rap
I'm very tired and feel a little like crap
This morning I drank the water from the outdoor tap
I think it made me sick cuz all I want to do is nap

Not having a mom to take care of you can be a drag
Moms can teach you not to hit, not to lie, and not to brag
Wherever I roam, the locals are generally nice
I've been lucky to hear all their motherly advice:

Hide your backpack and rope in the tall grassy field
Don't jump when the ranger taps on your windshield

While you sleep in your car, leave your keys in the ignition
You can get away faster, it's not superstition

Soak your achy limbs in Squaw Creek cuz it's like ice
Only spend your money on black beans and brown rice

Stay away from that creep who gave you a wink
Run like the wind and don't bother to think

If you are having trouble pretending to be strong
You can stay at my place and I won't ask you what's wrong

When people take the time to save me from insanity
It fills me with hope for all of humanity

I guess it takes a village to support this Stray Cat
To all the compassionate guardians out there, I tip my hat!

PS
The Depot will only sell you beer in a glass
Go to Deschutes Brewery for a pitcher
And they treat you with class

Partners

Call it Hawaiian affection, I have the gene
I don't climb with people who are terribly mean

Being a stray, I must keep my guard up
But if our eyes meet, you will hear a "Wazzup?"

Climbing partners are sometimes hard to find
I've been lucky so far cuz everyone's been kind

The guy who kept calling me "Dude" was wildly tame
He always had his mind on Mary Jane
(I think this is why he kept forgetting my name)

I remember the time I climbed with a serial killer
I thought that 20-foot whipper was the day's only thriller!

Then there was the one who thought she was running from the Feds
But actually she lost track of time and forgot to take her meds

I miss the guy who knew how to tape my hands so they no longer bled
He was a serious pothead, I hope he's not dead

To each and every partner who later became a friend
I will always support your life as if it was me on the sharp end

Shared Space

There's this place that I visit

When I want to cut the bullshit

No one judging what's wrong or right

Just fully living the day and night

Taking a break from the urge to self-criticize

Stripped naked of any deceiving disguise

Like getting into a boat that no longer floats

Even music is the rest between the notes

The only thing solid here is uncertainty

The rock and Being form a sacred unity

This shared space once physical

Transcends into the metaphysical

No escaping and no place to hide

Lean into the pain, are you up for the ride?

This place does not care if you stick the dyno

Ego is toxic like bat guano

This place is the hush between the chatter

At the end of the day, the result does not matter

For us to heal, we must feel our pain in another

Give kindness and care to the one who lost a brother

This place teaches me that I've always been whole

The thing I was searching for resides in my Soul

Ocean Plea

If you have an affection for both animal and tree
If you don't want an infection in your knee
If you enjoy diving, paddling, and surfing carefree
It is up to us to save our sea

Close Call

Breathe in peace, breathe out worry
I was climbing in such a hurry

I stopped tugging, tapping, and tracking
Unaware that a hold up above was cracking

I worn my kids about complacency
"Constant vigilance is a good place to be"

As usual I wasn't listening to my own advice
I was careless, reckless, and rolling the dice

When I got to the loose hold, I went for a ride
Felt like being caught in a surfing riptide

At first I was blaming the humidity
But honestly it was my own stupidity

I was lucky that day that I survived
My heart took awhile, but it revived

But now I tie in just to cross the street
And I won't take it for granted that we got to meet

Beyond the Northern Point

Solo

Yo yo

Where I go

Nobody will know

Spring Thing

I was sitting on a cliff at the Northern Point
Strumming my uke instead of smoking a joint
When I was asked by a dark and handsome dude
If I knew the tabs to the Beatles' Hey Jude

Normally I would shy away
But it's kinda lonely being a stray
So I let my guard down just for today
Even if he might later betray

I did not regret my decision to socialize
He liked me even without my disguise

We laughed and played by the fireside
We talked until the embers died
I found it hard to leave his side
I could not lie to him if I tried

How do I tell him I am damaged goods?
I belong to the Club of Stolen Childhoods
I could pretend that was never a part of me
Just rewrite my entire life herstory

I tried to keep it light to get my worries out of the way

"Let's climb tomorrow, I'll be your belay"
"I bought a slightly used grigri on eBay the other day"
I nervously started playing my ukulele

Then I shook my head and opened my eyes
Only then did I finally realize
This social interaction was not a real thing
But I still wonder what happened to my G string

House of Choss

Me and my good friend Ross

We decided to hike a mountain instead of practice lacrosse

Many a creek you must cross

At some point you wish you were an albatross

Suddenly, my eyes lost their gloss

Should we go straight or go across?

I don't know. You be the boss

I wasn't feeling well due to mineral loss

Later on, doubled over, my cookies I would toss

I guess it didn't matter that I forgot to floss

We trekked this long way to pull on wet, green moss

Maybe I would feel better if I had some applesauce

The Dark Side

What is it like to be a bat?
Curiosity drives this Stray Cat
So we headed east on China Hat
Looking for a cave with no doormat

To get my 10-20, you need a GPS
The precise coordinates, I will not confess
Go past the sign that is a mess
Wander 'til you find a cairn, more or less

I don't recommend caving as one
Don't want to do what's been done
Don't want to copy the climber Ralston
He had to cut through his own tendon

Not sure about this spelunking
Felt like I was going through some kind of punking
I did not like the idea of flunking
So I imagined myself like a donut dunking

I probably shouldn't which is why I did
Go down the tunnel without a lid

The darkness was so bright it was blinding
My nose and ears were more receptive, I was finding

Without a lamp on your head
You would soon be full of dread

You would not get very far
Without a bat's sonar

It looked like this cave was used as a bar
It was cold and I wanted in the warm car

A lot of garbage underground
Plastic bottles abound
A used condom was found
By the cigarette butt on the ground

Did you know bats hibernate?
Just the ones that don't migrate
If you disturb their bed
They might wake up dead

We didn't find any bats in the shape of balls
But now I know about dusty, dirty, and cramped cave walls

Don't want to be in a cave when nature calls
Nothing down here resembles bathroom stalls

I am still flabbergasted by all the litter
What about the little critter?

Was it a bat that was drinking the PBR
Where you cannot see a single star?

Thanks SB

Guardian Angels

The following tale is slightly dramatic
I removed the material that is too graphic
After going through something so traumatic
I strongly discourage texting in traffic

I embarked on a journey up to this rim
I was determined to make it without losing a limb
If I keep Three Creek Lake on my right
I should definitely summit before the night

I needed to prove that I was not frail
I would do my level best not to fail

The first thing I did was drink my kombucha
That stuff gives me a buzz, I let out a "Booyah!"

After hiking for a few hours and thinking about sandy beaches
This song kept playing in my head, the one by Moldy Peaches

Snow banks appeared, covering the trail
The sun was going down, I would be traveling by Braille

The mosquitoes were suddenly everywhere
That big moving shadow looked like a bear
I did not think to bring spare underwear
I started to question my will to prepare

I stopped following the blue diamonds on the trees
Now I am praying on my knees

This reminds me of an episode of Little House on the Prairie
When Laura climbed a mountain to get away from Mary
She wanted to get to Heaven to see G-O-Dizzle
When she saw an angel, her mind started to fizzle

I decided to use a lifeline and phone a friend
He assured me I would be fine and this was not my end

I cannot lie
I started to cry

This was very egotistical and stupid of me
To trek this mountain on a solo journey

Just then a man and his dog appeared on my track
He thought he was following his own
To make a long story short, I followed him back
It was nice not to be alone

I was unnaturally chatty and jolly
I was saved by a man and his dog Molly
The man told me about the time when he got lost
It involved meeting hunters and biting frost

It didn't take long
Before I was singing this song,

"I wanted to avoid Cupid
By getting buff,
But if you are stupid,
You better be tough."

For Tom and Molly

Misfit

I was loitering at the climbing store on Terrebonne Street
When a man named Misfit I would meet
He lived in a windowless van with no seat
He looked weathered, wobbly, and a little offbeat

He could talk about history with no end in sight
Yosemite, Roosevelt, Muir, that's right
The guy behind the counter thought I would leave out of fright
But this was my most memorable Friday night

The next thing that happened was actually kind of eerie
It was the only time the entire night I felt a little leery

Misfit peered straight into my core
Why is he not talking anymore?
I felt like I should head for the door

Then something beside me gave me a poke
Something inside me fully awoke
I was sitting straight up when he finally spoke,

"When you have reached your climbing goal,
Do you think that will fix your broken Soul?"

Thank you Misfit and Lucas

St. Helens

Two hikers carrying snowboards passed us on Ptarmigan Trail
I think they were traveling with home-brewed ale
I was working hard to stay right on their tail
I tried to keep up but to no avail

This does not compare to Everest
But I was grateful for that boulder to rest
My headache is making this more of a test
This was my idea so I will not protest

When we got to the summit I put on my fleece
Better head down before a caprice
I was already high no need for a bong
How come the trip down takes half as long?

Thanks Mom & Dad for taking care of the kids.

A Great Day at the Park

I started climbing at Smith without a rack nor a clue
My harness and biner were shiny and new
In the Park I was green, deep down I was blue

On the second to the last day in May
There was no sign of a storm like the previous day
The weather was nice and I was ready to play!

My guide was half man and half mountain goat
Over the rocks he seemed to float
He even saddled all the gear to tote

He guided me up Monkey Face
We did it in a rapid pace
But the bolt ladder I did not race

We ate a snack when we got to the top
The panoramic view did not stop
I looked down below us it was quite a drop

Then Pluto and Zonkers on TR
I was ready for my Solstice goji bar
What? That did not count as a send?
You did not lead it. Do you comprehend?

Both ways covered the same vertical stair
But in the event that you catch some air
One was safe, the other a dare

The unforgettable day went by too fast
It was nice for a moment to forget my past
I hoped this incredible feeling would last

Thanks DP for giving me a great experience.

Lupine

We were camping in a Los Gatos ravine
The wildlife could not be seen
What lurked about when the sun fell
Even with my eyes open I could not tell

Even the moon I did not see glow
I could hear deer come and go
What was that in the tree?
I'm kinda scared and have to pee

When I heard the tent tear
I thought for sure it was a bear
I thought I was to die soon
But it was just a hungry raccoon

Thanks for scaring it away, DB!

Big Dog

One day a big dog stared down at me
As I was hiking up Misery
The owner said, "He doesn't bite."
I replied, "Yeah, okay, alright."
As I looked away to notice some ants
That damn dog took a chunk of my pants

Baited

My dad and brothers would seek water to fish
While I would scramble over rocks to wish
They called my name to free a hook
I climbed the tree without a look
When I came down I gushed with glee
Until I saw the snake looking down on me

Nectar

I first started climbing on trees
This was long before I injured both knees
In our backyard was an apple and cherry
When the fruit was ripe I would be just merry

I would climb up the tree then jump to the rooftop
No need to bring my favorite lollipop
Eating cherries without swallowing the pit
I hung out up here to avoid getting hit

As a kid I loved being on the roof
This explains why I am sometimes aloof
Lying on my back, gazing at the sky
Just basking, always asking and wondering why

Hard For Me

Deep down I believe it
Now it is time for me to achieve it
But after the fourth round
I still couldn't get off the ground

I kept trying and trying
To the point of almost crying
On my tenth try I was near the top
Then I heard my finger pop

I signaled to my belayer I wanted down
I was trying hard to hide my frown
"You are tough with your stuff," he yelled up
He doesn't know what was done to me when I was a pup

I felt dead
Wouldn't make progress if I crawled into bed
Tape kept coming off my finger still bled
"One more try," I finally said

The guy who wrote the guidebook rate
I think he was in an altered state
I am too green and not so lean
To be able to climb 5.13

I must have strayed from the original line
Maybe at some crags this is a crime
Anyway you look at it, I made the climb mine

Thanks for the belay, DB

Dung Watching Society

We paddled our kayaks on Lake B C
Through all the people who water ski
Paddled some more, past the bridge
I could hardly wait to get to the ridge
Encrypted in the rocks was a glass of wine
That's where I marked the starting line

It was still morning and getting hotter
What is it like to have the lake be your spotter?
Looking at the condition of the water
I think I would prefer Sonnie Trotter

Was it really safe to swim in this lake?
I think I saw something that resembled a rake
Plastic bottles, oily pools
Wouldn't be surprised if I saw floating stools

Not only did this create an eye sore
But there were also crass people galore
I remember the drunk guy in the truck
Did he really just call me a terrible fuck?
Did he not like my kayak without an engine?
Did I spook him by talking in Hawaiian pidgin'?

Unlucky how some people manage their fear
By yelling in someone else's ear
I guess that's why they own guns here

All my excitement was not true
Now I was just feeling blue
I feel surrounded by people who hate
Don't want to catch what they have, but is it too late?

Society's behavior has taken its toll
This is definitely not how I want to roll
When I think about the future, I am at a loss
Our once beautiful world will eventually turn to choss

Thanks DB, ST, YC, SB, and CG. The Dawg Pound chased Stray Cat up the cliff!

Solitude in Sisters

It's okay that he took my favorite draw
It would not have helped my hands that are raw
All I need are my shoes and my chalk
Just climb for myself without all that talk

For a challenge I decided to ditch the gear
Ready to embrace my fear
When rubber meets the pumice rock
It won't matter if your biner will lock

Are you sure you are made of all the right stuff?
Or is what's oozing out of your leg just fluff?

Forget about flirtations
Remember the illustrations
Know your limitations

All it takes is one good butt kickin'
To go from fierce raptor
To a lame chicken

No room for lies
No one will hear my cries
If I fail no one else dies
To find my body just follow the flies

I should climb on a rope
Than bleed like a dope
Climb with a grin
And just tie in

I might as well face it as I land in a mass
I'm not really all that bad ass

Thanks LH

Soul-o-wing

Cold at the Grasslands
Feels like I have no hands
Why did I sleep in so late?
I never forget a climbing date
Sometimes I wish I had a truck
Sometimes I am a catastrophuck
But living like this is coconut bliss
It's just hot chocolate that I really miss
I sit and stare and think what's next
I think I'll start another text

Thanks JS and ST